Educate in Virtue

How can we define good character we all want for our children? Simply, by beginning early to think about the kind of character you hope a child will have when they are grown men and women. The foundation of character is virtue. Virtues are objectively good human qualities, what is good for the person and good for society. Virtues are different from values. Everyone has values, but not everyone has virtues. As was once stated, "Hitler had values, but he didn't have virtues." Virtues, unlike values, do not change.

What are the crucial virtues that make up good character? The ancient Greeks named four: wisdom (sound judgement), justice (sense of responsibility), temperance (self-mastery), and fortitude (personal courage). As our children grow from infancy to adulthood, these are the four pillars we like to focus early on to raise our children.

The Greeks considered prudence, or practical wisdom, to be the master virtue, the one that steers the others. Prudence is our moral compass, that tells us how to put the other virtues into practice. It tells us when to act, how to act, and how to integrate competing virtues (e.g., being truthful and yet being charitable toward someone’s feelings). Prudence also enables us to make make the important distinctions in life: good from evil, truth from falsehood, fact from opinion, heroes from celebrities, reality from television, and the eternal from the transitory. A well-formed conscience begins here.

The second virtue is justice. Justice is the virtue that enables us to treat others as they deserve to be treated. Today we would call this responsibility. This means giving others what is due to them as a matter of right, starting with God. (The word duty comes from the word due.) It is what children call fairness, one of the strongest and earliest developed moral senses in children. In adult life, which is what we are really trying to teach our children, responsibility really means sacrificial love.

The third virtue named by the Greeks is fortitude. Today this character-strength goes by other names: courage, perseverance, personal toughness, guts. Fortitude enables us to do what is right in the face of difficulty. The right decision in life is usually the hard one. Fortitude is “inner toughness.” It enables us to deal with adversity, endure pain, overcome obstacles, and be capable of sacrifice. If you look around at the character of our kids and many of the adults in our society, we see a character that is soft and self-centered, that lacks the inner strength to handle life’s inevitable hardships. All children must learn this, especially by example and practice.

The fourth virtue is temperance. By this the Greeks meant something profound, namely, self-mastery. This is what our society calls self-control or self-discipline. Closely related to personal toughness, temperance is the ability to dominate one's passions, control our tempers, appetites, and feelings for the sake of some higher good. In a sense, it is a consuming fire, however beautiful, it must be contained or quenched. Temperance is the power to say no, to resist temptation, and to delay gratification in the service of higher and distant goals. Clearly it is one of the indispensable qualities of leadership, one of the character-strengths we admire most in people. An old saying recognizes the importance of temperance: “Either we rule our desires, or our desires rule us.”

Your children will grow up not when they can take care of themselves, but rather when they can take care of others and want to.

To assist us in our formation of character, our family chooses a virtue each month and we write it on our chalkboard. The character virtue is defined, with both a reflection from the Bible and a saint’s quote. Our family will conclude with a discussion on how that virtue will be practiced over the month. Two great resources for virtues are Fr. Richard Heilman’s 54-day Novena (which has enough for a three-year cycle) and Catholic author Jim Stenson to help instruct parents on character virtues and parent leadership.

Never forget: You have one chance — and only one — to raise your children right. Forming your children's character and conscience is your #1 priority. If you make a sacrificial effort now, while your children are still young, you can later enjoy the honor they bring you as confident, responsible, considerate men and women — who strive to pass on your values to their own children.

Permission is hereby granted to reproduce this material for non-commercial use. It is taken from the Web page of James B. Stenson, educational consultant.